Today brought me to a very familiar situation with a very different feeling to it. I took Sophia to our pediatrician for a sick visit. It has been so long since I have sat in that most familiar waiting room. As I went through the sick visit, received her prescriptions, left & drove to CVS to fill the script – I did much reminiscing.
How I wish I could have been better prepared for motherhood. Seriously. It is all such a first time experience. No matter how many books on parenting & motherhood one reads, are we ever truly prepared? I do not think so.
Dr. Spock never really made me understand that:
- no matter how much I loved my baby, colic was going to test my patience to its limit
- that sleep deprivation is real & I would experience it
- my child was not & would never be “perfect”
- I was not & would never be “perfect”
- no matter how well I thought I knew my child, they would always manage to prove that I did not know them well at all
- I would bargain that if they took their medicine, they could have a lollipop (this one works beautifully on granddaughters especially if the lollipops are special because they are heart shaped for Valentine’s Day!!!!)
- no matter how much other moms made it look like they had it all together, we truly were all in the same boat
- I would let my child eat pasta for the 200th meal in a row just because at least they ate
- my child truly would be potty trained before they walked down the aisle
- my child would not walk down the aisle with the binky or bottle or stuffed animal or blanket
- it all passes in a blink of an eye
Every stage is a new experience. Every stage raises insecurities in a woman. But here’s the thing – today I felt none of that. Not an iota of it. Know why? I just wanted to savor the moment of bringing Sophia to the pediatrician so she could get well. I have already come to grips with the FACT that I am not perfect. Never mind, I am not even close & that is OK with me. Know why? Because I know that my kids, & now my granddaughter, know that I love them & I know that is enough. Love truly does cover a multitude of sins. Love truly does conquer. Love really is enough. Funny, that on the day before Valentine’s Day, I would realize this fully.
The other thing I realized today is this:
“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world & the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:27, 28, 29, 31 NIV).
God allowed me to become a mother knowing I was inexperienced & ill prepared. Somehow God took this foolish, weak, lowly & despised woman & helped her to grow two children into adults. It was, and remains, the hardest responsibility I have ever had. It was also the one that brought me tears, frustration, surfaced my insecurities, grew me the most, taught me the most, brought me the most joy, the most laughter & love. With that task now done, I cannot boast in myself. I can only boast in the Lord. For He alone enabled me for the task.
And so it is for every mom. Take courage. He will enable you as well. For if He has called you, He will equip you. And so, many years later, this is what takes place on the ride home, in the back seat, with the stickers that the doctor gives. And I am alright with that too :)))