I found myself wondering,
- “How did we get here?”
- “How did it get to this point?”
- “Why did we let it?”
It was supposed to be a simple dinner out. Just the two of us. A quick bite.
He mentioned something from work. I asked a question.
And it started.
The argument. We each said words that stung. Neither of us was totally right. Neither of us totally wrong either.
In hindsight, the whole thing was pointless. Stupid. A waste of time.
Before heading to bed, I decided to read a little. Reaching for my book, I glanced at my calendar. The one that always seems to speak to me at the right time. I read:
That was so it…..
We had each responded from our flesh. No Spirit had operated at all. The result had been only flesh. Only ugliness.
I took my book, sat on the couch & continued to read….
That’s how family gets made. Not by ceremonies or certificates, and not by parties and celebrations. Family gets made when you decide to hold hands and sit shoulder to shoulder when it seems like the sky is falling. Family gets made when the world becomes strange and disorienting, and the only face you recognize is his. Family gets made when the futures obscures itself like a solar eclipse, and in the intervening darkness, you decide that no matter what happens in the night, you’ll face it as one.
(Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines, page 29)
We talked it through. And we were solidified even more. As we talked, face to face, the only face I saw was his. The face that matters most deeply to me. And the fact that he was looking back at me & my face was the only face he was looking at, caused me to see the face of the Only One that has held our hands & kept us shoulder to shoulder all these years.
It truly has to be Spirit, all Spirit, every day.
**After finishing this post, I later read this tweet & had to include it š
Tim Keller Wisdom āĀ
@DailyKeller“Marriage does not so much bring you into confrontation with your spouse as confront you with yourself.”
I linked with Inspire Me Monday and Making Your Home Sing and Marriage Mondays and The Better Mom and Hear It, Use ItĆĀ and The Alabaster Jar and The Modest Mom and Playdates With God and Gracelaced Mondays and Monday’s Musings and What I Learned This Week and Teach Me Tuesday and Behind The Scenes and Tell His Story and Cozy Reading Spot and Marriage Mondays .
“We talked it through. And we were solidified even more.” I’ve just celebrated 30 years of marriage to my best friend and this is a continual process. Lovely post.
Congratulations on your years of marriage! It surely is a process by which we strengthen & grow. Thank you for visiting me today!
Marriage takes so much humility, and we gain so much wisdom when we do humble ourselves. I love the image of couples shoulder to shoulder!
You are right – there is much to be learned from humility & yet, one of the hardest things to allow to work in our lives. Thank you for visiting & leaving a thought.
Dear sweet Joanne
These kind of “misunderstandings” in marriage is actually a good thing at the right time as long as we solve the conflict in the godly way you two did. It makes your relationship grow and deepen. Just agreeing the whole time to avoid confrontation seems a bit dishonest, don’t you think!
Much love XX
Mia
Mia –
I do think that agreeing to avoid confrontation would become very unhealthy. I also think my husband knows me well enough at this point that he would be able to tell š The only way is to go through it & work it out. Hard work at time but worth it!
Blessings,
Joanne
Well said. Who says marriage is easy? It’s not that easy but it’s worth is specially if husband and wife have God as the center of their relationship š
Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.
Marriage is hard work for sure. And the rewards are many! Wouldn’t have it any other way š Thank you for visiting!
That quote from Shauna is beautiful! So glad you shared it, and this glimpse into your story. Thanks for linking up š
Oh, that is a great quote! Is it a Tim Keller quote? Do you know where it’s from? And great post. Love your transparency.
One quote is from the book Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist. The other was a tweet by Tim Keller. Thank you for visiting!
Blessings,
Joanne
Joanne – just love this post. Marriage can be so tricky, and you’re spot on that it must be Spirit every day, always. Blessings to you!
Sure a beautiful reminder of how hard marriage is but also how it is so worth the fight. I also love the quote you shared.
Great post and I appreciate your honesty! It’s amazing the things that we can argue about sometimes. It can start from a small thing and build into something bigger and then, as you said, you wonder how you got there! Hubby and I don’t argue much anymore either but when we do, it’s usually over something small, lol! Thanks for linking up to the “Making Your Home Sing Monday” linky party today!
Been there, done that! Turned a beautiful evening into a disaster because of my pride or selfishness or the sin-of-the-day. So thankful you were able to be aware of the Spirit to turn your night around! We need more of this kind of encouragement. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words, your encouragement & your visit š
Blessings,
Joanne
It is a journey learning to communicate in a way that builds up rather than tearing down. Our flesh so often gets the better of us, but thankfully the grace of God is available to cover a multitude of sins when we are willing to repent. Thanks for sharing.
So very true. His grace is always there for us. Thank you for stopping by!
marriage takes so much tine and effort. It is not easy but WORTH it! š lovely post!
Visiting you from the Happy Wives Club Link Up.
Marriage is so worth every struggle, every minute. The rewards are greater! Thank you for the visit today!