When I began blogging, about 4 years ago now, I had no idea what I was doing. To be quite honest, I still don’t. And if you don’t believe me, you can ask either of my children who are constantly helping me with how to post or link or grab buttons, etc. I have fumbled and bumbled my way through much of it, always fearing I am making a fool of myself.
But I was willing to make a fool of myself in order to reach my goal. My goal? Simply put, my goal was to leave my children a permanent record of what their mom was thinking on a daily basis. And in so doing, perhaps, lead them closer and more deeply to Jesus. That was it.
I never dreamed blogging would come to mean so much to me. It has caused me to read more, think deeper, and sit in awe of Who my God truly is and all that He does in my life. Emily Freeman described my feelings so much better than I ever could:
You are aware of your desire for a map, but all you sense is a mystery. Instead of a plan, you are simply asked to show up in this day the same way you did the day you were born, with empty hands and an instinct to depend on someone bigger than you.
(A Million Little Ways, page 131)
That should be easy, right. We seemed to show up at our birth just fine with nothing at all in hand. And we seemed to do just fine being dependent on someone other than ourselves. And yet, there are days I am much like Moses making excuses for myself….
- Why me? (Exodus 5:22)
- No one listens to me anyway. (Exodus 6:12)
- I can’t speak. Or as Moses put it, “I am a clumsy speaker!” (Exodus 6:12)
- I can’t do it. (Exodus 6:30)
And yet, Moses ended up doing everything God was asking him to do with the assistance of his rod and his brother, Aaron.
Moses discovered the very things he thought were his limitations were his strengths. He also discovered God would give him the divine resources he would need to approach Pharaoh and lead God’s people.
Truly all Moses needed to do was show up – show up before Pharaoh each time God sent him. God was the One doing the rest. But it took courage for Moses to just show up. Moses stammered from his fear but he still kept going back. Plague after plague.
I have often heard it said, courage is not the absence of fear. But what exactly is courage? Again I go to Emily’s book….
Courage is about more than simply believing in yourself, more than making art with confidence and living life without fear. Courage, I’m discovering, happens in the deep and secret place of the spirit, the place where my life is joined with God’s. It feels more like a gift than an aware, more like a strength that doesn’t come from me. And the more we live from who we really are, the more courage will grow.
Courage starts small. Courage is head bowed down low, hands open in surrender, heart broken and moved with compassion. Courage knows – I can’t do this on my own. Courage turns to Christ.
I am so grateful Moses was transparent and shared his weaknesses with us all. I am grateful God delights to work in and through our weaknesses, for I have many. But mostly I am grateful I am a tad bit more courageous than I ever realized.
I am courageous because I know, beyond a certainty, I can’t do this on my own. So I am turning to Christ. My head is bowed down low, my hands are open in surrender, my heart is broken, I am moved with compassion.
All I need to do is show up.
My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9, The Message)
Today I am joining …. Thought Provoking Thurs. and Time Travel Thurs. and Thriving Thurs. and Thankful Thurs. and Thurs. Favorite Things and Thrive at Home and Cozy Reading Spot and New Every Morning and Quitting Thurs. .