We will soon be married 41 years and I’m still learning new things about him. The current crisis hits us both so differently, as one might expect.
I withdraw into anything I can – Scripture, a book, the news, a Hallmark movie (the ending is always happy), and more books. He on the other hand has a need to stay busy. So he cooks, barbeques, does yard work, tries to convince me to do take-out, and wants to go to the store for all of us.
The next two weeks of him staying at home, 24/7, will be a bigger challenge for him than for me. Having been home with our children for years has thoroughly prepared me for these days, but not so much for him.
The man is a worker with a need to keep doing, to be busy, to be on the go, and to be taking care of everyone.
The challenge has made me realize the depth of my love for him. It’s opening my eyes to see our story, the story of our marriage, and the ways it is being written in these very days. Even in the midst of a pandemic.
I’m finding the way I can love him best is to play endless games of Backgammon and Scrabble. Games of rummy, which he beats me mercilessly at, bring him great joy. Turning over the kitchen to him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner has become a gesture of love to him, and for him.
These are going to be the ways in which he and I will connect in a deeper way. He needs the busyness and noise, as much as I need the stillness and quiet. As we give these to each other, our connection to one another gets stronger as we draw strength, encouragement, and love from one another.
We’ve been living our love story since we first met. Every twist and turn, up and down, sadness and joy has led us to this point in time. This pandemic is the next chapter in our story.
“For this reason a man is to leave his father and his mother and lovingly hold to his wife, since the two have become joined as one flesh. Marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great and sacred mystery””meant to be a vivid example of Christ and his church. So every married man should be gracious to his wife just as he is gracious to himself. And every wife should be tenderly devoted to her husband.”
(Ephesians 5:31-33, TPT)
My One Word 2020 is “Savor”. It seems funny to me that this would be one of the ways I learn to savor my days, but I don’t want to miss a single gift this time will bring to me.
It behooves us to live in these moments,
and to love in these difficult days,
for they will become a small part in our completed story.
Today I am joining … Recharge Wednesday and Woman to Woman .
Joanne,
I can so relate to your story!! My husband is a worker and a doer. I have to say that our lawn and yard have never looked so good. I have joined him in playing some street hockey in the driveway and I’m even getting pretty good at spiraling a football lol. I do enjoy having lunch with him everyday when he descends from his makeshift home office. Joining with you in looking for the blessings and appreciating my husband even more. I”m ALL about the happy-ending Hallmark movies lol!
Blessings and be well,
Bev xx
This paragraph made me smile: “I’m finding the way I can love him best is to play endless games of Backgammon and Scrabble. Games of rummy, which he beats me mercilessly at, bring him great joy. Turning over the kitchen to him for breakfast, lunch, and dinner has become a gesture of love to him, and for him.”
Instead of making his need to be busy a problem, you’re embracing it. You’re using it to draw closer to him instead of away. While I’ve never been married, I know enough about our Heavenly Father and about life to know that when trials come in marriage, they come to draw you closer to God and to each other…never apart. As challenging as life is right now, this time can be a gift to every marriage built on the solid rock if you choose to let Him guide you and use you.
Oh, this is so good.
And we keep saying to each other, “It’s a good thing we love each other!”
My heart goes out to those who are experiencing this season in isolation.
So good, Joanne! What a wonderful tribute to your husband. The fact that your love is so evident after almost 41 years is inspiring. My hubby and I are quite different too – I am much more social than he is – but we will celebrate 42 years in August! 🙂
You’re a year ahead of us! We just celebrated 40 years last December. And my husband is much the same way. He likes to be busy and accomplish things. He has taken over the grocery shopping so only one of us has to go out. He hasn’t done the cooking except for grilling a couple of times, but he helps clean up after dinner. He loves to watch the news; I avoid it. I’m the game player in the family–him, not so much, but I’ve been thinking of trying to talk him into a game of Scrabble.
I’ve been a little stressed about having everyone home together when I am used to time alone, so thank you for reminding me of the positives of extra togetherness.