I find the timing of books read to be most interesting – they always seem to align so perfectly with what my heart needs to hear. Case in point – Back Roads To Belonging by Kristen Strong.
One sentence has had me reading, and re-reading, the same chapter for a week now:
“Another way unkindness-to-self shows up? Over-apologizing.”
The sentence was read when I was contemplating apologizing yet again. And I would not have even known what I would be apologizing for.
Over-apologizing can appear like a kindness towards the other individual, but when we are over-apologizers – we are being unkind to ourselves.
In our need to “belong”, we think we need to appeal to the other person so they will be pleased with us. But when we find ourselves apologizing time and again to the same person, often with no reason to do so, we are blinded to the truth that it is not our position to keep the other person happy, satisfied, or fulfilled.
“Instead of viewing ourselves through the lens of apology, what if we viewed ourselves through the lens of Jesus instead? What if we took off our wonky, smudgy glasses and stopped living life with a posture of “I’m sorry”? … “I’m sorry should be saved for situations that warrant repentance. It should be used in circumstances where we need forgiveness. It shouldn’t be used because we believe we’re intrinsically sorry or no good.”
(from page 54)
We desire connection with others because we have been created for relationship. But we must not let this need for connection and community lead us down the wrong paths.
Often God takes us down unexpected paths to connection. These back road paths are the very place we discover just uniquely we have been created and the plan God has for our lives.
Each chapter introduces a “traveling companion”: a woman either from the very pages of Scripture or from the author’s experiences. Each chapter closes with a blessing which will quiet your soul and help you to find God’s very best for you.
The book is rich with encouraging quotes, and written with a transparency sure to encourage us all to be right where God has placed you, for He alone has created us to belong.
**** I was provided a copy of this book by Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group. The opinions expressed in this review are my own. This post contains affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, I will receive a small percent at no additional cost to you.
Today I am joining … Woman to Woman and Recharge Wednesday and Let’s Have Coffee and Booknificent Thursday .
Joanna,
Hmmm…I suppose that I, too, am an “over-apologizer”. I do find myself saying the words, “I’m sorry,” a lot! I think sometimes I am just apologizing for my existence or my opinions and God would not want me apologizing for HIS creation. This book is on my “need to read” list. Thanks for a glimpse of the nuggets of truth it holds.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Ooops sorry…Joanne…apologizing again lol.
Bev
See? Point taken, lol.
May we be wise and discerning, knowing when and why an apology is warranted.
I had a friend long ago who I described as “apologizing for the air she breathed.” She was so afraid of offending and it was tragic.
Thankful, once again, for Kristen’s ministry.
That was just one nugget from a book full of nuggets 🙂 May we be balanced women – sensitive and discerning when an apology is warranted.
This sounds like a book I need to read, because I, too, fall into the category of over- apologizer. Thanks so much for sharing this. I never thought of it in this way.
Cheryl, I had not thought of it in this way either. I am still reading the book but it is already pretty marked up 🙂
I find this so true: “We desire connection with others because we have been created for relationship. But we must not let this need for connection and community lead us down the wrong paths.”
And at the same time that longing for connection makes me think it is always with people. But some of that longing, the deepest parts of that longing, is meant to draw me to God.
Rebecca, it’s so true. And you just made me realize anew that when I allow that longing to draw me to God, He will bring the connections and community I need as well. Thank you for sharing here!
These words are needed for me today, thank you… In our need to “belong”, we think we need to appeal to the other person so they will be pleased with us. But when we find ourselves apologizing time and again to the same person, often with no reason to do so, we are blinded to the truth that it is not our position to keep the other person happy, satisfied, or fulfilled.
This one chapter was very eye-opening to me.
I like Kristen – your review makes me want to read the book!